You Have What It Takes
Are you willing to bet on yourself? If not, how can you expect that anyone else will?
How often have you been told that you could be anything you wanted to be? If your mother was a product of the pink-collar workforce, then the probability that you have heard this before is likely high; but it doesn’t mean that you believe it to be true.
Have you ever started to chase a dream only to stop yourself due to intrusive thoughts or the infamous imposter syndrome? Yep. Been there.
Our self-limiting beliefs are sabotaging our true potential.
Hear me out.
In my early twenties, I was blessed to take on a series of unique jobs that allowed me to work with artists and designers across the country. I truly embraced this carefree time in my life; but shortly before those fun-filled years, I had a brief stint of career uncertainty. During this time, I wanted to work with pretty things. Sounds silly, maybe. (I mean, I really do enjoy pretty things). I also knew that I was a hopeless romantic at heart, (always will be). When I moved back to the Hudson Valley, I decided that wedding planning was the ideal path for me. I was young and had no kids, so busy nights and weekends were not an issue. I had years of working in the restaurant industry under my belt, and a shiny new art and design degree. I could envision each new client as a fresh canvas. The intricate details of a wedding, delicately wrapped in a love story. This was for sure my calling. My good friend’s mom believed in me so much that she gifted me a stack of books ranging from how to start your own business to Matha Stewart's wedding magazines. I knew all the romantic nooks and crannies from the tip of the Catskills to the Hudson River. Before I knew it, I would be the quintessential wedding planner of the region. Only I wouldn’t. My ingenious idea seemed valued by those I shared it with, until someone said, “In about ten years, you could have a solid business.” This was sound advice to someone who is business savvy, but to a college grad getting tossed into a society drunk on instant gratification, it was the worst thing somebody could have told me.
In ten years, I would be thirty-three! As if thirty-three was old, I panicked. Time to come up with a new plan.
Fast forward to age twenty-nine. It was the summer before my own wedding, and I was on an intense mission to collect one hundred and sixty shabby chic vintage dinner plates for our reception. My husband thought I was crazy. (I am crazy.) Despite his dismay, I succeeded and fell in love with each one of those plates, (remember- because I love pretty things). I’d like to say the wedding went off without a hitch, but that’s a story for another day.
Several months after the wedding, my husband kept hounding me to get rid of the plates. “I knew this would happen”, he’d say, as he looked around the spare room now resembling an antique shop, with stacks of plates piled high in every corner of the tiny room. Eventually, I caved and posted an ad on Craigslist. The next day the happy buyer came to collect her plates, and guess what? She was a lucrative wedding planner. Guess how long it took her to launch her business? Let’s just say that it was well under ten years.
What if I had taken a chance on myself? What is the worst thing that could’ve happened? I’d fail? Big deal.
Why is it engrained in so many of us that we are destined to fail? We will re-play all the what-ifs and worst-case scenarios until we decide that it’s best if we just take a safer path. One with less risk involved.
Remember when Blogger accounts were really gaining traction? Did you know that I was going to be the next big lifestyle blogger? Only I had one small problem. Rather than focus on my own creativity, I was too busy comparing my site to people with far better resources and knowledge than I had. So, rather than stick with it and build my blog from the ground up, I spent my time working as a ghostwriter for other lifestyle bloggers! (Make it make sense.) I remember sitting at work, exchanging comments with Ree Drummond, back when her blog was modest and in its early stages of development. Look at that Pioneer Woman now!
Over the years, I have come to terms with the realization that there will always be people with more experience, better resources, more time, extra money. I also learned that everyone needs to start somewhere. Usually, successful people are happy and willing to help those who are just starting out on their journey. You just have to ask. You must also be brave enough to get rid of the notion that there isn’t enough room at the table for you. There is abundance all around you, but only if you’re able to quiet the noise telling you otherwise. If you work at something long enough only two things can happen. You will either continue to grow in whatever it is you are going after, or you will be redirected down a path leading you closer to something that will inevitably make you even happier. That’s it.
Now, I’m not saying that sweat equity isn’t a necessity because it is. Habit building is crucial for happiness, (in my humble opinion). There is something I always tell my students and my own two boys when they face a challenge or give me pushback with a defeatist mentality- Life is all about the 3 P’s- passion, persistence, and perseverance.
Passion: If you are passionate about something, you can make it happen. Maybe you really like to crochet and have been debating opening an Etsy shop. Perhaps there is a new position at work and the thought of the role makes you feel excited and giddy. The minute you have the thought of doing something incredible, the seed has been planted. The catch is that it is only you who can tend to it. As my son’s third grade teacher so wisely says- “You are the only person standing in your way.” Don’t worry about the next step, just take the leap toward something you are passionate about. Should things not turn out the way you’d hoped, remember that rejection and failure are just speed bumps to help us correct our course. Another wise woman recently told me, “If a door doesn’t open, it wasn’t your door.”
Persistence: Being persistent means that you are allowing yourself to drown out the noise. "Despite the daily minutia and exhaustion, you don’t lose your focus.
Perseverance: This is when the going gets tough and it feels like failure is inevitable, yet you keep pushing forward. You allow yourself to become an unstoppable force in a life full of opportunities, disguised as constant setbacks and redirections.
Will my dreams of becoming a successful author foil or fold? I have no clue. What I do know is that I am wholeheartedly passionate about writing. By sharing my work with you on a weekly basis, I am holding myself accountable. This is persistence. Perseverance happens when I can’t find five minutes of alone time in the middle of a writing groove, or when I’m swamped with lesson planning and youth sporting events; so I use the notes app on my phone. It also comes in the form of coming up with new ideas after receiving rejection letters, or only having a handful of people who read my Substack posts. The important thing is that I remember my own self-worth and remind myself that I am a writer.
What tea was I drinking while writing this post? The Ridge Tea and Spice, Jasmine Green
(Local tea shop located in New Paltz, NY)
Wow. This one hit deep. I really feel all of this and you write so beautifully. I am currently pursuing a fun passion that may or may not go anywhere long term, but I'm doing it nonetheless and it feels great. And I am so proud of you for pursuing your writing now. And we are all fortunate to be able to benefit from it as well. Thank you for writing and sharing with us all. Tea while reading... Harney and Son's Dragon Pearl Jasmine :)
Love this!! Thank you for sharing ❤️